You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
