you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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