All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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