This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
