I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
