I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
