chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
