1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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