you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
