VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
