I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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