So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
