am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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