What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
