I want to walk on stilts...naked
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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