Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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