Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
