Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
