Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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