Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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