can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
