He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
