He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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