i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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