Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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