your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
