apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
