i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
