He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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