Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
