so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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