Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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