my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
