3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
