hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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