I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
