I look better un-naked...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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