dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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