Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
