He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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