All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did I show you my penis last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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