So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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