he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
