Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
