so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
