i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
