i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
