this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
