remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
accomplished twins. life is a go
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
