So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
