Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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