you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
