You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
