She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
