i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
