so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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