I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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