you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
