Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
