honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
