Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
