so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
