was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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