I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
