just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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