Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
