I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
