Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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