I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
