Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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