But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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