I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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