Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
