Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
