Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
