just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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