FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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