life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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