He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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