She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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